


Don't call me, Evan.

by GaiaMax



Series: Adverse Consequences [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Confrontations, Gen, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inspired by Criminal Minds Episode: s02e12, No Beta We Die For SPARTA, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, buddie if you squint really hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:14:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23014585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaiaMax/pseuds/GaiaMax
Summary: Someone from Buck’s past makes a reappearance back in his life and no one can understand his reaction to it.
Series: Adverse Consequences [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678792
Comments: 11
Kudos: 124





	Don't call me, Evan.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: even though it's in the tags, I want to be clear about this, the main point of the story is Buck's experience regarding his sexual abuse as a child. 
> 
> This is heavily inspired by Criminal Minds S2 E12 (Profiler, Profiled) and uses a lot of dialogue from it.

** All secrets are deep, **

** All secrets become dark. **

** That’s in the nature of secrets. **

** Writer, Cory Doctorow **

* * *

  
  


The youngest member of the station had felt off-kilter all week, like the ground way swaying under him. It had made him irritable and brought long-buried feelings and experiences back to him. As he steps into the house that belongs to Athena and Bobby, he can hear the conversation about going to church for the coming Easter weekend. Joining the adults, he makes his way into the kitchen.

When Buck doesn’t join in the conversation, Bobby involves Buck directly by asking him a question. “Just about everyone else is joining. Are you coming as well?”

“No” Buck answers much too quickly. “After everything I’ve been through. God is either a dick or not real.”

“Buck I know been through a lot this past year but he never asks for more than we can handle,” Bobby tells in a soft tone while placating a hand on his shoulder.

All the young man can do is stare at it and watch the flashbacks fade in and out, his brain can see both _that man’s_ hand and Bobby’s and is finding it really hard to tell which one is real. At last, he bites out “Then your god asks way too much of twelve-year-old boys.” he pulls Bobby’s hand off of him and walks quickly to where the children are playing video games. Buck’s statement causes everyone to look over at Maddie for answers but she shrugs her shoulders. 

* * *

It's the shift after the service most of the Fire Family had attended and now they were sat eating dinner with Maddie and Athena. The conversation had polite chat, catching each other up on their jobs for the day. The familial atmosphere changed when Athena brought up a new topic.

“So you know that man, I was talking to,” Athena starts. “He set up a community centre in a small town called Ridge Lake…”

Before Athena can continue Maddie buts in and adds “That’s where we grew up, you wouldn’t believe Buck, it was Travis Miller.” For Buck that’s way to close, he ran away from that town and him, that dangerously odd feeling he had been having all week has finally come to ahead. It feels like someone has thrown a bucket of cold water over him. “He was like Buck’s mentor as a kid,” she tells the team before turning her head to her brother “You should go see him and thank him, I gave your number to him.” The bitter taste of bile enters his mouth, not only is he here- he has a way to contact him.

Everyone waits for Buck’s reply but he never gives one instead he just bites his lips, willing any sliver of emotion down.

Hen speaks with the confusion the rest of the team is having “You’ve never mentioned him before.” 

Trying to sound nonchalant Buck starts to speak “it didn’t come up.”

Athena, slightly annoyed at being interrupted, huffs and starts to speak again “he wants to set up one here but he needs donors. So I’ve agreed to help him set up his presentation but we need others. It’s Wednesday, I know the kids are on break, he’s fine with them coming.” 

Everyone agrees to help out, Buck wanted nothing more than to say no but now he knows the children are going to be there, he has to say he’ll help too, to make that they stay safe. “I’ll help too” he manages to get out his voice, cracking.

* * *

Buck can see Travis’ hand on Christopher’s shoulder and his blood runs hot in his veins. He marches over one purpose in mind. Taking two steps at a time. When he’s finally at the two, he wrenches Travis’ hand off the shoulder it’s resting on and slams him into the nearest wall. “Don’t fucking touch him! Or anyone else. Why don’t you just leave, no one wants you here” Buck whispered harshly still holding the older man up against.

Taking a soft placating tone, that had a bite only Buck could hear the older man replied: “Now, _Evan_ I know we’ve had our disagreements but that’s hardly reason for you to attack me”. He says his statement loud enough, so the attention in the room is silenced and brought them. “Think of the impression you’re giving your friends and their children. Your sister even” With that Buck turned his head around, seeing the looks of confusion of the adults and the fear in Christopher’s eyes at his outburst that seemed to come from nowhere. 

He let go of the man and ran away to the small room jutting of the hall with his eyes trained on the floor. When he was finally in the room alone with the door close, he sets himself against and just chokes out sobs for a few minutes before hearing a knock on the door. “Boy!” Athena chortles in her usual, you’re in trouble voice that at this moment is somehow comforting. “You need to explain what the hell that was. Let me in.” Before doing her command he squares himself; clenching his jaw, standing to his full height and wiping the tears away with the back of his hand.

He lets her in the room, before stepping as far away from her as much as the four walls would allow. Buck can see that that action, has made an impression on Athena with her raised eyebrows which she quickly hides. “Travis Miller” she states, looking Buck straight in the face.

“What?” He replies, his face etched in confusion. “He’s here?”

“Travis Miller. He runs a community centre that helped you as a kid and is trying to set one up here.” She states again but the tone, more commanding this time while she stares at his face, he feels like he’s back in the bank heist interrogation. For a second Buck wonders if she figured it out but he watches her eyes wander over him for answers.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Buck asks while trying to make his face impassive and make some distance between him and that man. He knows it’s a futile effort after his display but he has to try.

“He’s the one who helped you get records expunged,” Buck inches his head up from looking at the floor and just regards her with a dirty defiance, which falters her for a half a second. He knows it’s because it's a look you’d never see on his face or could imagine. “And he’s here now” she replies quickly trying to get the answer out of him.

“How do you know that? I told you to stay out of my business” he shouts slamming his hand on the table.

“We’ve been in the hall for two hours and you’ve haven’t spoken to once. Then out of nowhere, you attack him.” She tells him unfazed by the slamming of his hand against the wall and him moving closer. Buck can feel the heaviness of her eyes roaming over him, looking for any cracks in his brittle armour, so he stills himself.

“So, what?” He shouts even louder this time, trying to get that distance from everyone.

“Why don’t you want to talk to the man who made you being here possible?” She asks completely calm, only wanting an answer so she can understand.

Athena demeanour was in direct opposition to Buck who threw one of the spare chairs across the small room. “Damn you, Athena. It’s none of your damn business.”

“He says that what happened between you two is your fault,” Athena says trying to persuade him, to give her answers.

“I’m warning you, Athena,” He tells her with more poison than a scorpion while shaking his head “back off!” 

As he spits out the final letter the door flies open, and Bobby, Eddie and Chimney are there staring at him in anger and disbelief. “We heard shouting and stuff being thrown,” Bobby says while checking over Athena, making sure she isn’t hurt. Which only convinces Buck that they can never know, they wouldn’t ever trust him again.

Choking down the bubbling cries in his throat, Buck speaks “I’m going to go home”

Even though it didn’t need an answer Bobby gives one infused with a striking bite “I think that would be best”

* * *

It’s five hours later and Buck is still sitting in his bathroom; where he had been since he got home, he had a panic attack (his heart loud, burning nausea and desperate gulping of air) in it and hadn’t felt well enough to leave. At his moment the bathroom was the safest place in his studio because that was the only room that had a lock on the door. The only place where he felt safe in his whole home, his home. The safety of the room was interrupted by knocking, he had ignored for the better part of five minutes. It had only continued, but this time it was accompanied by Bobby’s voice. “Buck, I know you’re in there. Answer the door.” He was told by his surrogate father figure. All Buck wanted to do was pretend that he wasn’t home, but he knew couldn’t Bobby would just come back later so on shaky feet he made his way to the door. Before it was fully open Bobby walked inside and sat down, waiting for Buck to join him.

“What you did earlier was not okay!” Bobby told Buck who nodded his head agreeing. But then the older man continued speaking. “You're a different person than who were as a kid and the person who joined the station.”

Buck moved further back on the sofa, turned his head to the side and Bobby could see the defensiveness take hold of Buck’s features. “Are you trying to say something to me?”

“Only if you’re hiding something, you need to trust us” Bobby back-pedalled, speaking softly. “Trust us enough, to tell us about it”

But Buck's defensiveness was comfortable where it was “Bobby. It’s not about trust.” As he took in a deep breath to start to speak again, the stronghold of defence had been replaced by a desperate need to be believed. “It’s about having a little privacy. I got the right to keep something to myself.” Buck told him while pointing at himself during ‘his right’ and slamming his hand on the coffee table at the end of his sentence. “Look at us, man, we practically live together already” Buck moving back as he started putting even more distance between the two men, escaping any comfort Bobby was trying to give. The thought of being touched by anyone right now wanted to make him vomit. 

Buck can see Bobby thinking before he speaks. Then he finally opens his mouth, “c’mon we’re going to miss dinner.”

Buck's voice comes out like a sacred child looking for approval “I’m still allowed to come?” When he hears his own voice, Buck can't help but think that he is. 

“You’re still family. It’s family dinner” Bobby answers with how you would speak to a toddler. Under his breath, the older man continues on “maybe we’ll get something out of you.”

* * *

As he stepped into the house, Buck saw Travis sitting at the table drinking a glass of wine. The minute his brain makes the connection, he turns around on his feet to leave but Bobby blocks the door. “No, Evan. Whatever happened between you two, you need sort it out. He obviously cares about you, after everything he’s told me about you, I don’t think I could be as nice and you're my favourite.”

“Don’t call me Evan!” Buck spits from a clenched jaw, trying to get through Bobby again.

“Look just stay with him alone for twenty minutes after that, if you still want to leave you can,” Bobby tells him, Buck eventually nods blinking tears away.

* * *

Bobby joins the others in the living room and asks “Do you know what happened?” to Maddie. 

Maddie just her head and speaks with disbelief “He should be Buck’s hero. Travis practically raised him after our father died, took him on trips, mentored him, they spent all their free time together”

That when all clicks for Athena, her brain finding the final piece of the puzzle it had been doing in the background for the better part of two weeks. “We should have never left them alone. I think I know what he’s afraid of” She tells everyone, but the strange angry panic in her voice worries Bobby. The older couple shares a look, Bobby's eyes widened and he shakes his head. They let a second pass, letting the new information wash over them before running to the two men, followed by the confused others.

They are just out of sight of the two when everyone freezes on the spot at Buck hissing out “Travis.” It’s a sound so foreign coming from Buck.

“They won’t let you leave?”, the man replies in a casual uninterested tone, stilling sitting sipping his wine.

“You already know, they won't” Buck answers getting more angry.

“I told them that you allow your emotions to control you” Travis begins to taunt his face curling into something barbaric, while swirling his finger around the rim of the wine glass “like a child. But they already know that.”

“Really because Bobby said you were saying good things about me.” Buck counters trying to spit venom and muster up any confidence.

“You’re good at football, is that meant to be secret?” He asks again unfazed by the man… no, the boy, Buck always seemed to shrink in his presence 

“No, that wasn’t” Buck answers after a second, turning his away to lose eye contact.

“I don’t follow”, Travis continues his tone moving back to casual.

“All these years. I kept my mouth shut. I let you go on being the hero Travis Miller, my mentor” Buck shouts with anger and confidence finally make itself known coupled with conviction. It’s Athena who unfreezes first but something tells her not to move just yet.

“What are you talking about?” The older man asked but this time slightly vexed.

“God, I was so afraid of you. I was afraid of the police, afraid of losing everything I was gaining. But that’s how you work, isn’t it? You make sure there’s a hell of a lot to lose, don’t you?” Buck asks angrily through the silent tears. Bobby and Hen unfreeze together, she looks over at him for confirmation. Her answer in a sad soft nod, both of them go to step out but stopped by Athena who just shakes her head.

“I don’t know what you think you remember” Travis replies vexed but trying to remain casual.

“It’s not about what I remember. You sent videos to me of my own abuse” Buck shouts again, wiping the tears away. At that everyone else unfreezes, a blazing fury burning in all of them, but slightly brighter in Maddie and Eddie. Athena stops them before they interrupt telling them he needs this confrontation. 

“Now, you’re just talking crazy.” Travis tries gaslighting half-heartedly, knowing that he’s got himself in a situation he can’t get out of. 

“God, I should have told somebody when I was a kid! _When you were helping me._ Well, you know what happens in cases like this; once the dam breaks, the flood comes. One person steps up, then another and another. Because we’re not scared of you any more, we know we’re not alone. You’re your own dam.” Buck his voice filled with sobs and cracks but he also holding his head up high with authority.

“Whatever lies your making up,” Travis shouted back.

“They are not lies, you did it to me. You did it to me and filmed it” Buck counters, leaving no room for excuses.

“I did nothing to you or any other kid” Travis tries again but faltering, he has nothing to fall back on. 

“One by one, they are going to pile up until there’s so many accusations- you can’t say they’re all lies,” Buck tells him enjoying the fear that he felt on Travis’ face

“Do you have any idea how many kids I’ve helped get out of our town? Hm?” How many lives I’ve provided.” Travis asks slamming his hand on his chest. At that Bobby can see Buck’s body start to shake violently with sobs. “Look at you. You’d probably be addicted to drugs or dead by now”, the older man says with disgust.

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t for free, was it?” Buck chokes out.

“I pulled you out of the gutter”, Travis tells him a look of betrayal in his eyes.

“I pulled myself out of the gutter, all the way to the LAFD!” Buck shouts back, with even more conviction, this man doesn’t get to claim he is the reason for anything good he himself has done.“I did that!”

“You saying I had nothing to do with making who you are?” Travis asks enraged, spit flying out of his mouth.

“No, Travis. Actually, I’m saying you have everything to do with making me who I am” Buck speaks calmer than earlier.“Because of you, I get to spend the rest of my life actually helping people.”

“Look, Evan, I never hurt you.” Travis tells Buck trying to hurt the younger man much as possible.“You could have said no.” Buck lets out a laugh that is dry and humourless that quickly turns into more crying.

At that Athena steps into the room with her phone to her ear, “Dispatch, I need….”

Her voice is hidden by Travis shouting “I’ve helped a lot of kids.”

“Shut up, you’re lucky I’m not beating the shit out of you,” Eddie tells the man, anger dripping from every word while he and the others use cable ties to attach him to the chair.

“The community centres are needed, it’ll be worse without them.” He tells them, anyone, who will listen trying to convince them to let him go.

“Somebody’ll keep them running. The emergency services will. Athena will.” Buck states back. 

As he is turning to move to the other room, he hears “Wait. Wait. Evan… isn’t there something you can do for me?”

“You can go to hell,” Buck tells him without looking back.

**Author's Note:**

> **As written (since publishing) in the beginning notes: This is heavily inspired by Criminal Minds S2 E12 (Profiler, Profiled) and uses a lot of dialogue from it. Please realise this before commenting.**
> 
> There are some other bits of dialogue from the episode, I might put in chapter 2, if write it. 
> 
> Yes, I did write Fanfiction to procrastinate writing my other Fanfictions, that's how the thug life be baby.
> 
> Also toss a comment (and some Kudos) to writer, oh valley of plenty. Please, I need validation.
> 
> [Tumblr Plug](https://gaiamax.tumblr.com/), come say hi


End file.
